Babies with Babies.

Initially, I wanted to do this whole set of posts that dealt with my loves in life. I thought that would be a nice introduction into actual blogging because I don't consider my first post my first REAL post. That idea was usurped by another thing weighing on my mind as of late. [My "loves in life" post will eventually be posted.]

Blog title-wise, it is what it is. Babies with babies. Not babies having babies, it's babies with babies. What does this mean? Well I'll do some reversing & explain myself.

Today, my mother asked me if I wanted to adopt a child. Yes that was a truly "WTF" moment for me. I'm only 20 years old. I'm still a "baby" as it is. I'm still going to school. I don't have a job. I still live at home. Seriously, Mom? Anyway, this child is my cousin's baby. I don't know the incentive she has for giving the baby up for adoption, but I would assume that it is primarily because she wants her child to have a better life. She lives in the Philippines now, & the quality of life there isn't up-to-par or as exclusive as it is in the US.

After my mother mentioned this adoption prospect to me, my father interjected & said he is opposed for reasons I won't disclose on here [this doesn't mean they are good or bad--some things should still be kept private]. I started to wonder if she really meant for me to adopt this precious baby; then I thought, well if she didn't mean for me to, why did she ask me in the first place?

I told Joshua about this, & he thought it was a cool idea. Those were his exact words. I then remembered a discussion we had about adoption a few days ago. We had always talked about adoption loosely & conversed about it here & there, but I was never really open to the idea of adopting a child & he was. I thought about it again & told him that possibly one day, I'd like to adopt a child; but only under the prerequisites that our own biological [God-willing] children would be grown & possibly out of the house & fending for themselves, & that we would be able to do so [because if our plans go right, our children would be considered "adults" by the time we are in our mid-to-late-40s or early 50s]. He loved the idea. I knew he would since he seriously considered adoption, anyway.

After I told him about today's adoption proposal, he made it very evident he wanted to adopt that child. I thought that was the sweetest thing in the world. [He has a very big heart. I always tell him that his big heart makes me fall in love with him so much.] The more we talked about it, I started to get images of us with that baby. It's so improbable, but it was very endearing to see it emblazoned in my mind. We started saying if it was possible for us [as in, having good & steady jobs; having a good place to live; & most likely, being married], then we would immediately do it. I never thought I'd think that way. I mean, I don't even know this child [just that she or he would be my niece or nephew & there's the possibility they would call me 'mommy'. Omg] & I never really entertained the thought of adoption. And now I wanted to? Talk about capricious.

I don't really know what to make of all this. It feels...weird. He & I somewhat have the chance to raise this child as best as we can & save her or him from the clutches of penury & all of its unfortunate side-effects, & yet, we can't. It's an odd thing to categorize in my mind, since I don't know how to exactly feel about it. Regardless, if my cousin does decide to keep the baby or give it up for adoption, I hope that baby has the best life they could possibly have.